Why I am Here

Today was a long day. I just got home at 9 p.m. after leaving my house before 6:30 a.m. this morning but it was a very good day. Actually I would categorize this as a fantastic day. But not in the way Wednesday’s normally are. Normally Wednesday’s are great because the kids leave at 2 p.m., I get work done and we do trivia and get drinks.

But today I missed most of trivia, only had one beer, and had long meetings this evening, but it was still a very important day.

After school I went to the TFA office for a meeting and afterwards I was talking to my program director who I proceeded to get made at when she was trying to convince me that my kids were growing.  Needless to say, she is very right. My kids are growing. Our year-long goal is for them to grow 1.5 years in reading and just over a quarter through the year they have grown on average .75 years. That means they are halfway there. And the spring is supposed to be when the kids really grow the most.

But whether my kids as a whole had grown or not was not what started the argument. The reason I was frustrated is because I am looking at the distinct possibility of having to hold a student back and not allowing them to go to third grade. This student is very smart, but he is just are not a very good reader and he is so far behind that I don’t think he will be able to cut it once it comes to third grade testing.

This was a devastating realization. It is just one of my students and he has grown .4 years this first third of the year, which puts him pace to grow 1.2 years. But when you start basically at ground zero, that is not enough. And that is what really had me upset. The kid is just so far behind, that even though I am doing everything I can, I will very likely have him in my class next year.

The same testing I did to find out this information about this special student of mine, held some amazing news. I have two students who have skyrocketed up this semester. One went from a kindergarten level to now reading at a high first grade/nearly second grade level. He is on pace to be more than ready for third grade after coming in seriously behind.

Another one of my students has shot up as well. When I read with her at the beginning of the year she was so behind. But now she is reading like a mid-year first grader and has a larger vocabulary than almost every student in the classroom. Whenever we encounter a word that the class does not understand, she is always the one that knows what it means.

These are the amazing positives that I had heard about entering the teaching profession. Everyone said it was the most rewarding thing that you can do. And it is. Every day I see how much my students rely on me and how much I rely on them.

I took yesterday off as I needed a day to recover and was feeling under the weather, and when I came back today I was so excited to see my kids and they were excited to see me. We need each other. One of my parents came into my room at the end of the day to tell me how happy she is to have her daughter spending her days with me. I am with these kids more than their parents and we have created a great relationship which I have really seen pay off the last couple of weeks as my kids have really been progressing amazingly well.

On the other side though, this is the hardest profession as well. Every day I have to walk into school knowing that I have some students who just aren’t progressing and I am constantly searching for ways to get though to them. Hopefully it will happen soon.

As my PD and Zach keep on reminding me, I have to focus on the positives and if I keep focusing on the negative, I will never be an effective teacher.

I don’t know how clear this was, but today was a very important day for my mental perspective on everything and I thought it was important to share.

If I ever ask why I am here, all I have to do is look at my students. They never leave my thoughts and are worth every single hard day, long night, sleepless night and so much more that I don’t have to give.

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